15 - From Addiction to Marathons: Adam Broughan's Journey to Recovery - Part 1

I can't wait to introduce our guest today, a truly inspirational story of a young man who has gone from drug and alcohol addiction to running marathons and living his best life. I'm super excited to get into the details of how Adam went from addiction and falling into that and and how that came about, how he managed, what it was really like for him actually.

We're going to get into all the details and we're going to get into how he managed to pull himself out of it and also how he manages to stay motivated and the things that he does that make him feel like he is living his best life. I can't wait to get started. Let's start with part one, we've got a three-part series.

I'm super excited about our conversation today because I'm welcoming my cousin Adam Broughan, who has an absolutely inspirational story. So we're going to get into how he fell into and became victim to addiction, what was it really like, how it impacted his life and the inspirational story of how he managed to pull himself out of it really. So welcome today.

Good morning. Thanks very much. I'm a little bit nervous.

That's all right. We're just interested in your story, that's all. So okay, Adam lives in Ireland, my lovely Auntie Anne.

Adam is Anne's son, so it's a special podcast for me today, having family on the podcast. Let's start off then, Adam, and tell us a little bit about how you became victim to addiction. How did that really come about for you? I suppose drink was a big thing for me when I was younger, because I guess with the Irish culture, drinking is a big thing.

If you're going to a match, if you have a bad day, if you have a good day, there's always drink. You haven't seen somebody for a long time go for a pint. So the drinking was kind of where it started for me.

And when I was younger, I suppose it was always like a lot of my cousins were a lot older than me. So I would have been going to 21st, 30th, 40th. It was fairly regular, communions, confirmations, things like that.

So I was always around it, and everyone seemed to be having a good time. So I felt like I was missing out. So I started drinking quite young, I suppose, but no younger than anyone else, I don't think.

But I didn't become addicted or I didn't have a problem with it straight away, but I did enjoy it. I can't take away from, I did enjoy it for a while. It's really integral, and it's how we catch up with family.

It's how we see each other. And like you say, there's a celebration if there's a birthday or if you've had a tough day. So drink was the go-to, really, with everything.

If there's a family get-together, then there's always drink involved, isn't there? So it was... Yeah, that's it, yeah. And then I suppose when I went to college, I was doing an apprenticeship, so I was getting paid to go to college. And I'd go to college during the week, and I'd go out with my college friends during the week, and then I'd come home and I'd go out with my other friends at the weekend.

But my friends at the weekend that I was drinking with, they weren't out during the week, and my college friends weren't out at the weekend. So quite young, I was drinking a lot. And then as it progressed, I suppose, I kind of stopped playing sports, and I stopped doing all the things that I liked doing, but I wasn't aware of it at the time.

Slowly but surely, I stopped doing anything that I liked doing, or anything that I had an interest in. And I suppose looking back now, I could see it that when I was playing sports, or when I was, say, even going to a family get-together, or something like that, I'd be looking forward to the session more than the occasion, if that makes sense. And now it's not like that.

I look forward to whatever is going on, because obviously I don't drink anymore. But yeah, I look forward to... You know, even when I was playing a match, I wouldn't be thinking about the match. I'd be thinking about after the match, the celebrations afterwards, if we won.

And I put a lot of effort into it because of that. And then I kind of realized after a while, I didn't have to be playing. I could go and I could have a few pints at the match and watch the match.

But I didn't really realize then, at the time, because anyone like that's in addiction, or like anyone that has an alcohol or a drug problem, or something like that, like they think, you know, they say that addiction is a disease, you know, and it's sneaky, cunning, and baffling. Do you know what I mean? It rips you of everything without you even realizing. Do you know? I can remember you saying that before, where you were thinking about it all the time.

So I guess that means that then you can't be fully present with, you know, whatever you were playing the rugby, you couldn't be fully present with that because you were thinking about the drink after and even the people that you were with. So relationships and that kind of thing, we're going to get into the impact of, you know, how it impacted your relationships as well. I would have noticed early in life, like earlier in my life, that I suppose when I was going to school or when I was in college or things like that, you know, Mondays and Tuesdays, I didn't know why anyone invented them.

You know, I used to wish my life away. You know, I'd be hoping it was the weekend and things like that, you know, and I found that that was driven by, oh, it's going to be good crack at the weekend because I'm going to be going out, things like that. So yeah, that was another big part for me.

And obviously when I stopped drinking, you know, my biggest worry or thoughts was like, what am I going to do now? Right. It was such a huge part of your life. But at what point then did you know, you started to realize you've got a problem? It's hard to tell, you know, because I probably knew in deep down, I probably knew for a long time, you know, when I was going to college, I had never taken a drug.

And I went out one night and we were running after starting college. And one guy said to me, you know, I went back to a house party, sorry. And, you know, there was people doing drugs there.

So I went into college the next day and none of my classmates were out that night. And I was telling him, you know, I said, there was people doing drugs last night at the house party, you know. And one of the guys said, yeah, you're in college, that's what you're supposed to be doing, that's normal.

I kind of took that by the reins then, you know, I was like, oh, well, if this is the norm, then count me in. I always wanted to, I was like, I loved adrenaline from a young age, like, you know, so anything for a bit of crack, you know, I was up for it, sign me up. What I'm hearing you say there is that it was just normal life, everything around you, you know, with the alcohol.

But then when you went to college, taking drugs, it became normal. And I guess, you know, you're away from home as well and potentially want to fit in, I suppose. You don't want to be the odd one out and all that kind of thing as well, maybe.

Yeah. And I suppose different drugs and different things, you know, affect you differently. So like in college, you know, we would have been taking like ecstasy or things like that.

And then you can hide certain drugs better or they don't have as much of an effect and things like that. So, you know, it was like if you were going somewhere where you didn't want anyone to know, like, you know, you could hide it fairly well. But I didn't know at that stage, you know, but looking back now, I probably had a problem from the word go, like, you know, but it took a couple of years for me to actually be like, maybe I have a problem, you know.

And I suppose like some of my family and friends actually would have been like, you know, would you ever think about stop drinking or stop partying? And I would, like, I'd be like, oh, yeah, when I'm finished college now, I'll do that then. And then I'd be like, oh, when I move home, when I move home, I'll do that then. And then I was, oh, when I finish this job now and I start my new job, you know, and then I started a new job and it was, oh, we're in lockdown now, we're in the pandemic, like, you know, sure, what else am I going to be doing? You know, every day is the same, you know, and I just kept pushing that barrier further and further.

I'm definitely not proud of some of the things I've done, you know, I've hurt some people, offended some people, you know, and things like that. I have to own that, you know, but like, it did impact my life and I had no, I felt like I had no control over it at the time. I don't feel it.

Tell us a bit more about that, you know, how did it impact your everyday life? Like I was saying, you know, I stopped playing sports. I wasn't, you know, I didn't want to be playing anymore. It was like I was, you know, in like autopilot, like all I was thinking about when I was in work was going home in the evening or going for a pint or, you know, just getting out of myself, like, you know, I hated myself at the time and I was quite good at hiding it, like, you know, I'd be like, oh, you know, everything is grand, but deep down I'd be raging, you know, and always having a hangover, always, you know, being sick, being tired, but I suppose that's the addiction, like, you don't want to feel the way you're feeling and when you're addicted to something that makes you feel a little bit better or a little bit different, obviously you're going to go again, you know what I mean? It's like a circle, a hamster on the wheel.

Then presumably some of your behaviour, what I'm hearing is, you know, when you were drinking and taking drugs, then that made you feel bad about yourself because it was making you take risks and stuff like that. Yeah, you know, I didn't really have any respect for anyone or myself or, you know, like when I was drinking or taking drugs, I didn't really care about anything else and, like, it's not like that, but that's what it was like, if that makes any sense, you know, because obviously now I care about family and friends and, you know, like I appreciate them and I'm obviously not that sort of person, but that's the effect that that has on you. It kind of blinds you to everything else around you and you only see when you're going to get your next drink or drug, I guess.

Yeah, that's it, like, you know, you're only really thinking about things like that and even if you're thinking about something else, you know, it's, uh, it's your ego, you know, you care about what everyone thinks of you, you care about money, you care about all the things in life that doesn't really matter. Obviously, you know, you need money to live, you need, you know, all that stuff, you know, like the things in life that actually really matter, you know, like sitting down and having a conversation with someone. You know, I wouldn't be able to sit down and have a conversation with someone without, you know, I'd be, like, shaking, I'd want to get out of there, like, I'd be like, oh, this is fucking shit cracked, you know, I want to go somewhere and have some fun.

I was either working or I was partying and that's the way I was. Always looking for that high then, that normal life was just not cutting it. It wasn't, um, you know, what you'd got used to really and I think you said before that then the more you drink or the more you take the drugs, the more you need to take in order to get the same high.

Yeah, it's like, you know, like, I know a lot of people say, oh, I never took a drug and things like that but, you know, drugs is, in my eyes, now the same as drink. Like, when you start drinking, if you go and have a pint, you'll be tipsy but there is people now who can go and have six or seven, eight, ten pints and they'll be grand. You would not know they had ten pints but drugs is the very same.

So, you have to take a lot more or you have to drink a lot more for the same effect but when you're feeling worse, it takes more. So, you're never really getting that. You're never really achieving what you want to achieve at the same.

So, you're disappointed. So, you're drawn to more. Right and you touched on it there, you know, that you didn't like yourself.

You didn't like yourself back then, you know. What was that really like? What did, what kind of thoughts did you have about yourself in that, at that time? Well, in the end, I was suicidal. Like, you know, I didn't, I couldn't understand what was wrong with me because there was people who cared about me, said to me, like, why can't you just stop? Why don't you just stop? You know, and I thought, like, oh, there must be something wrong with me.

Like, you know, like, why can't I just stop? Like, all, everyone around me is telling me, like, that I just need to stop and I could see the impact it was having, you know. Like, I was, I didn't want to be around anyone. I was pushing people away.

I didn't, you know, I was just a bad person to be around. It wasn't a nice experience. It sounds like you'd, you'd got so far from your real self, really.

The drink and the, and the drugs had just completely taken you away from the Adam that we know and love, I suppose. You completely lost sight of yourself, I guess, you know, by taking over by it, it sounds like, really. Yeah, it had completely taken over.

And like, like the ego, you know, I could, I could manage to put on a brave face if I went to the pub or something like that, you know. But when I'd go home then, you know, I'd be eating myself the next day, like, and the only way I thought I'd feel better is if I drank again or took something again to make me feel better. But it just wasn't the reality.

I was feeling worse all the time. Right. So your, I guess your needs changed as well.

In the beginning, it was to, you know, have the crack and have some fun and, and all the rest of it. But then it became an escape then from how you were feeling. You were feeling so bad about yourself and there was that there was something wrong with you.

Because I think I remember you saying before that you used, you know, you'd wake up in the morning and say, why the hell did I do that? Or why the hell, why did I go to that place? And you couldn't, you couldn't figure it out yourself of why you were taking, you know, you were taking some risks and stuff like that, wasn't you? And you couldn't figure out why, why you were doing it. Yeah, it was, it was quite frustrating at the time, you know, like I ended up in dangerous situations and dangerous places and places that I wouldn't want to be in. Like, yeah, like what you were saying, I'd wake up the next day and I'd be like, how did I end up there? Why did I end up there? You know, but the bottom line was there was probably more drink there.

There was probably drugs there. And I was driven by that. Yeah.

I mean, it just sounds like real dark times, you know, and getting to the point of having suicidal thoughts, you know, a real, a real desperate place to be in. So you're three years sober now, I think. Yeah.

Three years. So you inspire others at AA now, don't you? You go to the meetings. Yeah, well, like I try and do some service when it's asked.

Like, I go to meetings quite a lot. And, you know, if I'm asked to do a chair or go somewhere else, you know, like, I suppose the reason why I'm doing this podcast and the reason why I do that is because, like, I want to show someone that there's a bit of hope, you know, I want to give someone that there's a bit of hope that life can be better, you know what I mean? And if you just, all you have to do is tell someone you're struggling. I was just thinking that, you know, that must have been really hard to reach out for help, you know, to get to the point where you got to and, you know, tell us a bit more about that, that how did you pull yourself out of this vicious cycle, really? I suppose I wanted to ask for help for a while, but I didn't know how or I didn't know, like, I thought I was a failure to my family.

I thought I was a failure to everyone. I was ashamed of myself and that shame and guilt kind of made it harder, do you know what I mean, to actually come up with the courage and say I'm do you know what I mean? And I think the best part about where I am today is it got so bad that when I said I was f***ed, I was f***ed. That's it for part one in our three-part series.

Join us next week for part two to hear more from Adam and his incredible story.