Episode 31
31 - Broken Bones, Unbreakable Spirit: The Haydn Tear Story - Part 2
When Everything Changes: Haydn Tear’s Story - Part 2
In Part 2 of this powerful three-part series, Haydn Tear shares the emotional fallout of his career-ending injury and the heartbreak of losing his mum during recovery.
We talk identity, loss, resilience, and what it means to rebuild when the life you imagined is no longer an option. This is an honest, moving conversation about what it really takes to get back up when life knocks you down.
Transcript
We're back for part two in our three-part series with Haydn Tear. I can't wait to get back into
Speaker:the conversation, it's such an inspiring story, so let's get into it. So at what point then did
Speaker:you realise that this was a career-ending injury, really? At what point did you start to
Speaker:think, gosh, this could be really bad? Yeah, I mean, I think as you get the x-ray results
Speaker:and you see, so both bones, my lower leg had been broken, so my tibia and my fibula were broke.
Speaker:Even just looking at my ankle, it was honestly never seen anything so big in a body part before,
Speaker:just leg just completely swelled up. And at that point, you know, when you get that news told to
Speaker:you, you realise, right, this is a little bit more serious, both bones are broken,
Speaker:this isn't going to be a couple of months, this is going to be a year. And, you know, you get told by
Speaker:the physios and the doctors that you're going to be on crutches for this amount of time, you're going
Speaker:to be requiring surgery and you're stuck in hospital. I think I was stuck in hospital for
Speaker:about three days afterwards with surgery in there as well. So at that point, it becomes very real
Speaker:that, you know, this isn't going to be a short-term fix. This is going to be a long process to recover
Speaker:from. What did that feel like? What was that really like for you at that point? I think it
Speaker:was just like your world almost comes to a stop. For me, my whole journey from eight years old all
Speaker:the way to that point was Lincoln City. I was almost known as the footballer. People from school
Speaker:were, you know, backing me to go all the way. And that was pretty much my identity at that time. I
Speaker:was known as the footballer. I was known as the person who could potentially go professional.
Speaker:And all of a sudden, in a split second, that moment stops. And it's just absolute shock. And
Speaker:like I said, your world almost comes to a stop in terms of you've got no clue what's going to
Speaker:happen next. You don't know whether you will even be able to play football again because of the
Speaker:extent of the injury. So I think it's just a case of, you know, it's just heartbreaking to be honest
Speaker:at that point because you've got into where you want to be. Your last 10 years have brought you to
Speaker:getting that scholarship. Within the next sort of year, 18 months, you could be in that first
Speaker:team environment, playing with some of the first team, and then have that taken away from you
Speaker:through no fault of your own. It just really was really tough to deal with in the first
Speaker:few days of it, especially. Absolutely. So it's like, who am I now? You know,
Speaker:but that was your whole life. You know, you'd moved away and living with your teammates,
Speaker:and it was literally your whole life. So yeah, that thought of, well, who are you now? Like you
Speaker:say, your whole identity really. A real life-changing moment, I guess. You know,
Speaker:that sounds really tough. And what support did you have at the time? Did you have,
Speaker:you know, people to talk to at the time? Yeah. So obviously, I was laid up in hospital for a few
Speaker:days, which for me was the worst part. You know, hospital food, not known as the best food, and
Speaker:you're in a room where the lights are always on, you're in pain constantly, you know, you're not
Speaker:sleeping. So having my family there for the majority of the time, my teammates came to visit
Speaker:me in hospital as well, which is really nice. So having that support network and actually having a,
Speaker:going back to Danny and Nikki Cowley, they spoke to me as well, and they rang me up and, you know,
Speaker:having that almost assurance and support network around you that, you know, we're going to do
Speaker:absolutely everything to get you back to where you want to be. And having those people around
Speaker:you who can make you laugh and make you smile in those times when you feel like there's, you've got
Speaker:nothing, nothing left to give because your whole world's just come crumbling down, I think was
Speaker:really, really helpful. And you look back at it now and think that was invaluable at the time,
Speaker:having people around you who could support you. Absolutely. So I'm sure it was a journey of
Speaker:ups and downs, I guess, where there was some very low moments. How long did that period of time go
Speaker:on for, you know, where mentally and, you know, whatever those feelings were, feeling lost,
Speaker:purposeless, what, you know, I'm just imagining what that was like. How long did that go on for
Speaker:that period? Yeah, I'd say definitely the first initial few weeks were probably the toughest.
Speaker:You're still in quite a bit of pain. You're struggling to sleep at night. I was actually,
Speaker:I didn't end up sleeping in my bed. I ended up sleeping down on the sofa just because it was
Speaker:more comfortable for me at that time. And I'd say definitely probably the first couple of months
Speaker:were the hardest points, the lowest points, because I was laid on a sofa for the majority
Speaker:of the day. You know, I couldn't do too much movement. If I was moving around, it was with
Speaker:crutches. And you all of a sudden go from playing football every single day to barely any movement.
Speaker:You know, you don't really fancy eating much food, you're sleeping pretty bad. And you're
Speaker:wondering, how am I going to come back from this? What are the next steps? And it wasn't until,
Speaker:you know, you come out of the cast, you start getting a boot on, you can start getting a little
Speaker:bit of weight bearing through your foot, that you start getting a little bit more positivity,
Speaker:a little bit more hope there. So I'd definitely say the first couple of months whilst I was
Speaker:pretty immobile and, you know, not in the best place sleep-wise and couldn't do a lot on a
Speaker:day-to-day basis was completely different to how I'd lived my life ever since I can remember really.
Speaker:So definitely that whole shift was a big, big challenge for me. During those couple of months
Speaker:then, was there still hope that you would recover even if it took a year? Or was it apparent at that
Speaker:time that it was a career ender? I mean, for me, I was very fortunate that I was in, like I said,
Speaker:a full-time football environment with support from very, very high level physiotherapists within
Speaker:obviously Lincoln City's setup. So I knew that I had the support system around me. I knew that I
Speaker:had the best opportunity to recover. You know, once I had got out that initial stage of not
Speaker:being able to move much, I was in every day with the physios getting the best treatment possible.
Speaker:Kieran Walker was the main physio that helped me. Absolute legend of a guy. And, you know,
Speaker:having that person there who had an absolute clear plan for you, you knew what you're doing
Speaker:every single day, you're getting treatment every single day. I think at that point you start
Speaker:realizing, you know what, there's still potential here. You know, I can come back from this. And I
Speaker:think without having that available to myself, it would have been next to impossible for me still on
Speaker:my own. So very fortunate I had those people and high level professionals around me to actually
Speaker:help me on my recovery journey. So at what point then did you realize that you're not going to
Speaker:be able to, you know, you're not going to have a football career? I think, so my recovery took me
Speaker:about nine months, give or take, to getting back to playing football. And I can remember this was
Speaker:a massive kick in the teeth. I was literally a couple of weeks away from actually playing my
Speaker:first game again. And then it was at that point that the lockdown hit and I was so, so close. I'd
Speaker:done everything from recovery standpoint, all the hard work had led up to that moment. And I knew
Speaker:that I was so close to playing again and then lockdown hit and then you couldn't play football
Speaker:anymore. You were again stuck at home trying to manage it now on your own, still in that phase of
Speaker:trying to build up fitness. And again, that was another, let's say another four or five months
Speaker:before I could actually play a game again. And at that point, weirdly enough, it was my first
Speaker:ever game back was on my 18th birthday. So that was quite an achievement, quite a coincidence.
Speaker:But I think at that point, you know, I'd missed well over a year of that two year period.
Speaker:I was behind in terms of my position by a year. Other players were years ahead of me or a year
Speaker:ahead of me, should I say. And you've got to be realistic at that point. That was the longest
Speaker:period of time I hadn't played football in terms of having that over a year out. So you have to be
Speaker:realistic and understand that your chances are massively reduced right now. So obviously,
Speaker:when you get to the decision at the end of that two years, I knew in the back of my mind that
Speaker:I wasn't going to get offered a professional contract. And for me at that point, I'd almost
Speaker:accepted it a little bit. I knew that I was not in the same place that I was before the injury.
Speaker:I was still relatively good at football. I'd still say better than a lot of people. But
Speaker:my ability to perform and that little bit of sharpness just wasn't quite where it was.
Speaker:And whether that was mentally just having that unease of, you know, is this injury going to
Speaker:happen again? Or physically just not being able to quite cope to that level again was that turning
Speaker:point of me accepting that this career for me probably isn't going to take me down a professional
Speaker:football route anymore. A fair amount of years then, you know, a lot of years of you believing
Speaker:in this career and having that excitement, that hope to then having to accept it. I mean,
Speaker:what was that really like having to accept that? I think I look back at it now and, you know,
Speaker:it is one of the toughest, toughest things I've had to come to terms with. Like I said, my
Speaker:whole identity growing up was the football kid. You know, I still have some people messaging me
Speaker:saying you could have gone professional. And it's that looking back now, you know,
Speaker:you had it. It was within touching distance. So, yeah, I think it was just very, very difficult to
Speaker:shift that identity from who I was to becoming a different person. And I think realistically,
Speaker:I dealt with it quite well because I almost had a whole year of, you know,
Speaker:realizing that it's not going to be possible for me anymore. But obviously, you look back at the
Speaker:young lad you were when you were nine years old, 10 years old. And it's a bit heartbreaking because
Speaker:you can see that kid and his dreams and it just got taken away in the worst way. Nothing in my control.
Speaker:And it was just, yeah, you look back and you think that kid's dream has just been crushed.
Speaker:So, yeah, I'd say that that's the deeper part of it in terms of, you know, the dream was
Speaker:dream that your younger kid had was no longer a possibility.
Speaker:And I'm just thinking about, you know, when you were saying that disbelief
Speaker:of the type of tackle, really. And I guess I'm wondering, did you feel angry towards the person
Speaker:that, you know, that did this tackle, really, I guess. And, you know, how hard was that to do?
Speaker:It was it wasn't easy. You know, he was a fully grown adult. He is well aware of,
Speaker:you know, he's playing against 16, 17 year olds and for him to do that on a football pitch.
Speaker:And the worst part of it is, I know it will make me not very happy right now, is I didn't even get
Speaker:one single apology from him. Not even a not even a are you OK? Not even a sorry. And I wonder to
Speaker:this day if he actually knows what what impact that had in terms of what he actually did,
Speaker:because he would have gone home that evening with his partner, whoever it was, and his life
Speaker:would have gone as normal. But for me, he has killed a dream of of mine. And initially,
Speaker:I wasn't really concerned about about that. But looking back on it now, you know,
Speaker:that anger towards that person is. Deep down, because he is he. Like I said, didn't even show
Speaker:any remorse in what he'd done. I think at the time my my brother wanted to obviously do some
Speaker:unpleasant things to him because he he's obviously he's my older brother, obviously quite protective
Speaker:of me, and he'd seen my journey, he'd seen how much hard work I put in. And from an outside
Speaker:perspective, you know, he'd seen in that moment that and he probably realized as well being a
Speaker:little bit older that this was a career career ending challenge that had been made on me. So
Speaker:yeah, I think the aggression not necessarily there straight away, but definitely the anger
Speaker:and frustration over the over the years has been a lot more towards that individual.
Speaker:Just a brief interruption here. I just want to ask if you're enjoying the show,
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Speaker:bit helps keep this journey alive. Now back to the episode. Let's dive in.
Speaker:Yeah, absolutely. I can imagine, you know, that that's a tough one to take, isn't it for sure.
Speaker:And such a shame, you know, to be for all of that to be taken away in an instant, really.
Speaker:Yeah, that it's just I can imagine, I can only imagine, really. And we were touching on in our
Speaker:previous conversation, you know, that that wasn't the only thing that you had to cope with at the
Speaker:time. You had some other devastating news, didn't you? I wondered if you wouldn't mind sharing a
Speaker:bit about that. Yeah. So obviously, breaking my leg was was one thing at the time. And, you know,
Speaker:I could recover from that. I had that outlook that, you know, it's a broken bone in the long
Speaker:term, I'm going to recover. But a few months later, and, you know, while I'm lied up on or
Speaker:sofa, we actually found out the news that my mom had got cancer. And at that point, you know,
Speaker:through my recovery, she was a huge part of that support system. You know, she was often away from
Speaker:work, you know, helping me at home, helping me get around, helping me prepare food and everything.
Speaker:And then to find out that news, and, you know, as I start, as I start making my recovery,
Speaker:it was then roles reversed. And I was now helping her on a day to day basis.
Speaker:And I was supporting her on a day to day basis. And unfortunately, you know, one of my
Speaker:goals was to play a football game. And again, before well, while she was still
Speaker:going through her cancer treatment. And obviously, the last game she saw me play was
Speaker:the one where I broke my leg. And unfortunately, she never got to see me play another football
Speaker:game again. And that for me at the time was still to this day is like the hardest part.
Speaker:Because you know, she'd seen me playing football since I was a kid.
Speaker:And to know that the last sort of time she saw me on a football pitch was that moment where
Speaker:obviously broke my leg and never seen me play football again.
Speaker:Well, you can see it now was such a heartbreaking thing for me. And so yeah, she passed away before
Speaker:I managed to play another football game again. So yeah, not a nice thing to have been obviously
Speaker:that journey got made 10 times harder. Knowing that I'm trying to recover from something that's
Speaker:changed my life completely and having my mum obviously going through cancer treatment and
Speaker:on a day to day week to week basis having to see her almost fade away if you want to call it that.
Speaker:Was was a very tough, tough experience for myself at that point.
Speaker:Yeah, absolutely. You know, and I can see that that
Speaker:just two of the worst things that could ever happen, really. And to happen at the same time
Speaker:is just brutal, really. Absolutely brutal. Really appreciate you sharing that with us.
Speaker:And, you know, that it's just it's just unimaginable to have both of those things
Speaker:at the same time as well. It's just brutal. I mean, OK, fair enough. So let's talk about then
Speaker:at what point did you start considering a new path and how did personal training come into the picture?
Speaker:Yeah, so it is a funny journey for me into the industry, really. So after I obviously
Speaker:stopped playing football, I got heavily into the coaching side of things. And this was actually
Speaker:sort of led me into a path where I was now in primary schools. I was working in primary
Speaker:schools and I was actually coaching PE. So, you know, taking my experiences of being in
Speaker:a high level sporting environment, now being able to pass on knowledge and education to
Speaker:the younger generation around different sports. That was a really good time because that gave me
Speaker:a lot of joy and fulfilment that, you know, I was managing to pass on my knowledge and I was helping
Speaker:to give kids experiences and enjoyment from sport. And then it was actually not until I started
Speaker:going through my own physical transformation where I actually hired my own coach.
Speaker:So I've had this coach now for coming up to two years. And at that point,
Speaker:that gave me going through that journey of now becoming the best version of myself,
Speaker:physically, mentally, and almost living a life that I really wanted to live. And in terms of
Speaker:who I was becoming, that was really inspiring to me. And I saw that and thought, wow, like
Speaker:this person here has completely changed my lifestyle, has completely changed who I or
Speaker:how I feel as a person. And that to me meant a lot. And at that point, you know, I decided,
Speaker:right, I currently love what I'm doing, but I could have the opportunity here to impact
Speaker:a lot of people's lives through coaching. So at that point, I started doing my
Speaker:personal training and degrees and courses. And then it was probably about four or five
Speaker:months later, I was then a qualified personal trainer. And I'd started coaching people myself.
Speaker:And at that point, you know, the love for it and the drive for it and the passion for it was
Speaker:obviously very, very exciting for myself at that time. And, you know, seeing people's lives get
Speaker:changed in front of your eyes and helping people change their lives and change their perspective
Speaker:on how their life can play out is a huge thing for me. And that is what I am the most passionate
Speaker:about. And that is what I want to do for the rest of my career, essentially.
Speaker:Love that. I love that you came across this person who was a real inspiration for you, you know,
Speaker:who helped to hold you up a bit, really, and give you that inspiration going forward.
Speaker:That's the end of part two in our three-part series with Haydn Tear.
Speaker:I'm loving this conversation. It's such an inspiring story. And I can't wait to get into
Speaker:our session again next week. So tune in again and join us next week.
