Episode 32
32 - Broken Bones, Unbreakable Spirit: The Haydn Tear Story - Part 3
Becoming More Than the Setback: Haydn Tear’s Story – Part 3
In the final part of this inspiring three-part series, Haydn Tear opens up about finding purpose after loss. We talk identity shifts, resilience, and the power of small daily actions.
From injury and grief to personal growth and a new career, Haydn's story is a reminder that setbacks don’t define us – how we respond to them does.
A powerful ending to a truly moving conversation.
Transcript
Hold on to your hats, folks. We're back for the third and final part
Speaker:in this emotional podcast. This story has really touched my heart and I just can't wait to get
Speaker:back into the conversation with Haydn Teer, where we continue to hear about his incredible,
Speaker:inspiring story. So let's get back into it. Something that interested me there that you
Speaker:were saying that it changed the way that you viewed yourself. Tell us a little bit more about
Speaker:that. How did you view yourself before and versus now? What was that change?
Speaker:Yeah, I think potentially a little bit of, not maybe not self-worth, but the self-confidence
Speaker:in my own self from the injury. Probably had a bit of a tough time with that,
Speaker:you know, I could probably say, I would say self-worth and who I really was as a person
Speaker:was probably missing a little bit. And, you know, it was funny. This person actually reached out to
Speaker:me a good couple of months before I actually decided, you know what, I'm going to actually
Speaker:speak to him and listen to what he has to say. And at that point, you know, I didn't have too
Speaker:much structure in my life. I'd neglected my own physical health quite a bit. So I was putting
Speaker:a lot of time and effort into being in primary schools, teaching children and giving a lot of
Speaker:my energy to that. And all of a sudden I find myself slipping away from looking after myself.
Speaker:And, you know, I'd always been very active, but I wasn't, I wasn't playing football anymore.
Speaker:You know, I wasn't going to the gym very regularly. And at that point, you know,
Speaker:I decided something needs to change, you know, for me to start feeling and showing up as a person
Speaker:I know I can become, I just needed that help and that support. And at that point, you know,
Speaker:having someone there to hold you accountable, having someone there who's in your corner,
Speaker:who's given you that structure and that routine, and is almost laying things out clearly for you.
Speaker:That's what I really needed. And all of a sudden, just by doing the thing, just by showing up on a
Speaker:day-to-day basis, just by doing and getting to the gym, you know, you start feeling better about
Speaker:yourself. You start loving the person you're becoming a little bit more. And at that point,
Speaker:you know, my life started changing around to the point where I was really now inspired to help
Speaker:people almost do what I did, where they were stuck in the rut. They didn't quite feel their
Speaker:best self on a day-to-day basis. They weren't giving the time and energy to the self that they
Speaker:deserve. And also I went through similar struggles at that point. So yeah, that's what led me into,
Speaker:like I say, that the coaching route to what I'm doing now. I love that. But, you know, I'm sure
Speaker:your experiences, the discipline that you had to adopt as a footballer and, you know, the difficulties
Speaker:that you went through, I'm sure it makes you a really good coach because you've got that, you
Speaker:young age, you've got a massive amount of personal experience, really, you know what it's like to be
Speaker:stuck in a rut. The hardest thing is to get started, isn't it? And start going to the gym.
Speaker:And, you know, when you don't feel good about yourself, you often don't do things that are
Speaker:healthy for you, because to varying degrees, it can be just a little bit of low self-esteem,
Speaker:but to the extreme of people don't feel that they deserve it, or they're not worth it, or, you know,
Speaker:they've got no hope for themselves that, you know, and all that kind of thing. So the fact that
Speaker:you've been through different stages and different versions of that, I'm sure it makes you quite a
Speaker:good coach, actually, you know, you know what that's like and know how to motivate people. So
Speaker:I'm wondering how your experiences, how they do help you when you're working with people?
Speaker:Yeah, I think something I'm quite big on now and, you know, I'm looking into a little bit more is
Speaker:that shift in identity and, you know, the person you are right now, the way you look, the way you
Speaker:feel, the way you sort of show up to others, you know, that is a representation of your past self.
Speaker:So, you know, your identity of who you want to become, and how you want to look, and how you want
Speaker:to feel, you're only going to achieve that by doing the daily actions that's going to get you
Speaker:there. So in six months time, you know, the identity you have will be a result of the person
Speaker:you are right now. And, you know, for, let's say, in the gym side of things, you know, you and
Speaker:everybody else in the class in the morning, it's not easy to get up at quarter past five,
Speaker:half five in the morning, to get yourself to the gym for six o'clock. But it's that identity,
Speaker:like you're now, without fail, every single 6am class, you're there, because it almost becomes
Speaker:part of your life, because you do it on a weekly basis, you know, and you've become that person,
Speaker:because of what you are doing every single day. You know, you can't change who you are,
Speaker:if the actions don't change. And so I think me going through that personally of, you know,
Speaker:having to pull myself out of a bit of a rut. And the only way I think you get out of sort of self
Speaker:doubt is by actually doing the thing, like that confidence level doesn't just magically appear,
Speaker:you've got to do the thing. So for me as a coach, you know, I say still a fairly new coach in the
Speaker:industry, just been coaching now, just over a year, you know, my bit of self doubt at the start,
Speaker:whether you know, am I a good coach? Can I help people was pretty limited at the start. But you
Speaker:know, after actually doing the thing, and after the coaching hours I've spent and after helping
Speaker:people, I become more confident that self doubt goes. And again, is that shift in identity from
Speaker:now, I like to think that I'm a pretty confident coach, I've got a wealth of knowledge, I can help
Speaker:people. Now I'll give you an example that one of my current clients, we've worked quite a lot on
Speaker:self identity and who you want to become and what your future wants to look like.
Speaker:And she's actually recently just quit her job, because she knew the person she wanted to become
Speaker:in the future. What she didn't want to be in that job. She was just in that job for the sake of being
Speaker:that job, you know, for her to create a better future for herself and for her to feel better
Speaker:about herself. She's had to take that leap. And for me, there's nothing more fulfilling than you
Speaker:know, helping someone not just change how they look, but change their identity and change who
Speaker:they are going to become and who they want to become as well. So yeah, I think me going through
Speaker:that myself has massively helped with helping clients do that as well. I think that's so true,
Speaker:you know, that you're gathering evidence for yourself when you're doing those daily practices,
Speaker:that, you know, and I can really remember a switch. And it was it was a clear switch in me.
Speaker:Because when I was first going to the gym, people were going to say you'll start to enjoy it after
Speaker:a few weeks. No, it took me a lot longer than that. And I was a person that was that was my
Speaker:identity at that point was I'm a person that's trying to go to the gym that's trying to be more
Speaker:healthy. And then I don't know what it was, but I just it was like a psychological switch. And I
Speaker:said, this is who I am now. I goes to the gym. This it was very different. It was it was such
Speaker:a subtle thing. And I don't know where it came from. It was like a divine intervention of some
Speaker:scripture where this is who I am now. It was literally that they had the words that kind of
Speaker:came to me. And it's absolutely had. It's been a contributing factor as to me starting this podcast
Speaker:and leaving, leaving my full time job, I worked in the NHS, you know, arguably a quite secure job.
Speaker:And it's and going to the gym has been a factor in that I've been working on myself psychologically
Speaker:for a while since I started studying psychology and becoming a psychotherapist.
Speaker:So but going to the gym has definitely been a factor in that. And I think you're right that
Speaker:people who are in a rut, they, they don't have that identity. But really, just by doing the thing,
Speaker:you can say this is me now, you know, this is what you can do that. It's the most difficult step.
Speaker:But I think that that's really a really great way of saying it, actually, you know, and your
Speaker:experiences have shown you that for sure. Yeah, I like what you said about the giving yourself
Speaker:evidence that you are the person you want to become. So so for yourself, you know, the person
Speaker:who you wanted to become at the start was the person you are now in terms of by showing up and
Speaker:showing yourself that you can get these early mornings, you know, you've got the discipline
Speaker:to get these early mornings, it becomes who you are and having the evidence that you know,
Speaker:you are capable of doing the thing that does completely changes your mindset because you
Speaker:go from a person who thinks, you know, am I really that person to having a bank of evidence and it
Speaker:says to you, it shows you that you know, you are that person now, you know, you are the person who,
Speaker:like you said, loves the gym, you're the person who is always there, helping others as well,
Speaker:pushing yourself in the gym, because you've got that bank of evidence. And, you know,
Speaker:I think, like I said, it's a lot more than just a physical change. It's a mindset change and a
Speaker:psychological change as well from just being the person you want to become and living how that
Speaker:person how that person lives. Yeah, absolutely. And that that comparing ourselves to others,
Speaker:that's something that I really avoided. I think that it can be a barrier, you know,
Speaker:people turning up to the gym, comparing themselves to others. It can just be so disheartening. And,
Speaker:you know, so consistency, consistency, just turning up, I've said this before on the podcast
Speaker:that it's about, I've learned to be kinder to myself as well. You know, I have a tendency to
Speaker:overwork and do things a hundred mile, you know, a hundred percent. I've learned
Speaker:a more healthy balance, I think, with things as well, that especially in the beginning,
Speaker:it was just, I'm just going to turn up. And if I'm struggling, I can just pull back a little
Speaker:bit for that day, but I'm going to go and do what I can do. And I think that you give you,
Speaker:you can give yourself permission to do that. If you're not comparing yourself to others,
Speaker:you can just go and do, you know, push yourself a little bit if you can.
Speaker:And that's literally my motto, just keep turning up. Yeah, yeah. And you're great. You bring a
Speaker:great energy in the mornings at stupid o'clock, you know. For me, it's the only time to do it.
Speaker:It sets you up for the day. It helps me with my clarity of thought and just motivation,
Speaker:everything. And then, you know, you've got more motivation to eat more healthfully and all the
Speaker:rest of it. So it's all, it's all a knock on effect. We talk about the six pillars of living
Speaker:medicine on this podcast and all of those work together to make it more sustainable, really.
Speaker:Each one helps the other. So brilliant. Fabulous. So what does resilience mean to you and how do
Speaker:you practice it daily? I think, I think it's probably similar to what we've just discussed.
Speaker:You know, I think it's doing the things you don't always want to do, you know, showing yourself that
Speaker:even when you don't feel like it, you can still do it. Because again, it's that bank of evidence
Speaker:that you are this person, you know, so something that I can remember when I was quite young,
Speaker:really like 10 or 11 years old, we had a, we went to Liverpool football club and there was a, there
Speaker:was a grassy area. And one of our coaches was like, if you cut this grass here, you will cut
Speaker:corners in life. And that sort of stuck with me in terms of, you know, if one day you don't feel
Speaker:like getting up in the morning to get to the gym, or you don't feel like making that, that really
Speaker:healthy meal, or you don't feel like giving yourself enough time, like it's almost cutting a
Speaker:corner. So do the things that, you know, it's not going to always be easy. If you're always doing
Speaker:the easy thing, you're never going to grow. You're going to struggle to sort of develop as a person.
Speaker:So being resilient, doing the things that, you know, you don't always want to do, that is going
Speaker:to make you, make you a stronger person. So I think on a day-to-day basis, you know, even in
Speaker:gym sessions, when you're struggling and you're going into a bench press set, for example,
Speaker:and you're in your own head thinking, can I get to 10 reps? Can I get to 12 reps?
Speaker:And that's resilience because, you know, yeah, you're showing yourself and you're in that mental
Speaker:battle with yourself and overcoming that and really pushing it again. Once you do it, it's
Speaker:more evidence to suggest that you are more than capable. And, you know, just by, like I said,
Speaker:doing the thing, you build resilience, do the hard things and life will become easier from it.
Speaker:Absolutely. And another little thing that helped me as well, that I calculated it,
Speaker:that we're awake about 110 hours a week. And I thought, well, if I go to the gym four times a
Speaker:week, then that's four hours. I've got 106 hours in, you know, I can manage four, you know, come
Speaker:on, I can manage four. So that helped me as well, really. It's about, this impacts how we enjoy
Speaker:life, how we experience life. That if we can find these little psychological tricks, they impact
Speaker:how we interact in relationships, because if we can feel better about ourselves and find, we start
Speaker:to want more for ourselves. We start to expect more for ourselves in relationships, in our career.
Speaker:We just start to get more clarity on what we want. And, you know, we become less
Speaker:focused on others all the time. I think we can do that too much where for the detriment of ourselves,
Speaker:where we don't focus on our hopes and dreams, our goals. We get distracted with social media
Speaker:and comparing with others and doing for others, trying to keep others happy and all that kind of
Speaker:thing. I think that with the gym and nutrition as well, and all the six pillars, really,
Speaker:they just, we start to build a stronger sense of self and then everything else kind of,
Speaker:you know, that's the foundation and everything else kind of grows out of that.
Speaker:So moments of doubt when you first, you stepped into this new career, but I'm hearing there that
Speaker:you were able to talk yourself around and sort of gather that evidence, like you say, just keep,
Speaker:just keep going, keep learning and all the rest of it. What would you, what would be the best
Speaker:piece of advice that you'd give someone facing a major setback? Just a brief interruption here.
Speaker:I just want to ask if you're enjoying the show, then let's keep the conversation going.
Speaker:If these podcasts are resonating with you, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
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Speaker:keep this journey alive. Now back to the episode, let's dive in.
Speaker:I'd say to break it down, you know, depending on what sort of setback it is. So for me,
Speaker:um, obviously going through that injury, I had to break it down because when you look at,
Speaker:you know, for me, what it was 15, 16 months. If I look at that, I'm like, oh my word, that's a
Speaker:long period of time that is there. It's a long journey. Similar with a transformation in the gym,
Speaker:you know, it's not going to happen overnight. It could take you a year, two years, but if you,
Speaker:if you view it as that, that's when it starts becoming quite overwhelming. So for me,
Speaker:like I wrote down here, you know, you've got to set goals, you've got to break it down
Speaker:and say, right in the next three months, this is what's going to happen. This is how I'm going to
Speaker:structure it. And this is the outcome of the next three months. And then it's okay. It's right.
Speaker:Let's assess where we are. What can we set for the next three months? So you break your journey
Speaker:down into smaller chunks. And what I'd always say is for me, when I broke my leg, I had help. I had
Speaker:support from physiotherapists. When I felt in a rut, I hired my own coach to help me out. I think
Speaker:if you're ever in a place where you are really struggling yourself and, you know, you don't have
Speaker:that structure, you haven't quite got that accountability, get yourself in an environment
Speaker:which will help you with that or have a support network, which is going to help you with that.
Speaker:So if you know yourself, for example, you're in every single, every single day when you're coming
Speaker:to train, you're in an environment where everybody is working towards the same goal. Everybody is
Speaker:pushing themselves. You form friendships, you form relationships with people. And, you know, being,
Speaker:I'm quite a big believer in environment will dictate a lot. So if you can break your journey
Speaker:down, if you can be surrounded in an environment where people are going to be supporting you,
Speaker:people are going to be holding you accountable. I think that that's the best place to be because
Speaker:you can, you can go alone, you can try and push through alone. But I think deep down,
Speaker:if you have that help, you have that environment there for you, it makes everything 10 times easier,
Speaker:100%. It does. And it's about finding enjoyment as well, you know, that you're much more likely
Speaker:to sustain it. So, and that's why I keep going to the classes, you know, because going to the gym
Speaker:on my own would be just much more boring. And so I like going and interacting with the others. And,
Speaker:you know, we, we just laugh at each other with pain and, you know, it's just, it's, it's,
Speaker:that's, you know, it's about experiences in life as well. It's about creating those experiences
Speaker:and being kind to yourself, being kind to yourself, not taking yourself too seriously,
Speaker:but at the same time, showing up for yourself as well. So yeah, no, I like that. Yeah, love that
Speaker:idea. And breaking it down, breaking it down into chip away at it, chip away at it.
Speaker:We spend more of our time in the journey, don't we? We're often working towards something.
Speaker:And then when we get there, we're working towards something else. So it's about enjoying the
Speaker:journey. It's about enjoying the in-between as much as you can, isn't it? Yeah, for sure.
Speaker:Looking ahead then, where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Speaker:It's a, it's a good question because you told me I'd be in this position five years ago,
Speaker:I probably wouldn't have believed you. But, you know, I think for me in the next five years,
Speaker:I would love to say that I'm now a very confident coach, you know, I've got clear
Speaker:understanding of who I really am as a person, you know, and what I can give and offer to people.
Speaker:And I think in the next five years, in terms of like a career path, I would love to say that I'm
Speaker:now got a well-established coaching brand and coaching name that people know, know who I am.
Speaker:And, you know, if that means going wider afield and expanding myself to different locations and
Speaker:different environments, you know, that's where I want to be. I never really want to,
Speaker:I want to always try and push myself outside that comfort zone. So expanding, you know,
Speaker:I'd love to move abroad one day and see what that's all about. So,
Speaker:yeah, next five years to build an established coaching brand and have absolute clarity over,
Speaker:you know, what I stand for and who I am.
Speaker:Love that. That's brilliant. You know, lots of hopes for the future, you know, that that's,
Speaker:yeah. And, you know, with your attitude, it's, it wouldn't surprise me, you know,
Speaker:where you could end up. The possibilities are, are huge for sure.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:So if you could go back and give your younger self some advice, what would you say?
Speaker:No more advice. And I think it's always good for any stage of life you're in.
Speaker:Ask more questions. I think, you know, especially a younger age, you can be a little bit more
Speaker:unaware and a little bit more conscious of, of almost standing out and asking more questions,
Speaker:whether you think that's silly or not. But if you've got something you're not sure about,
Speaker:or if you're, you know, wanting to know a little bit more and, you know, you feel a little bit
Speaker:afraid of what people might think about your question or anything like that, that that's
Speaker:just something that I think, you know, you, you want to develop, you want to understand more,
Speaker:you want to educate yourself more. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, you know,
Speaker:do it for yourself, ask more questions, speak to more people and, and create more relationships,
Speaker:you know, deeper relationships as well. At times we're with people, not just on a surface level,
Speaker:actually finding out who they are and what their journey's been. Yeah, I'd definitely say
Speaker:as my younger self, not shy away from asking questions and not feel so conscious of,
Speaker:of what others are thinking and just do what, do what I want to do. And that's something that
Speaker:over the last few years, especially I'm trying pretty similar to what you are trying to say no
Speaker:to more things, um, and not trying to please others at the expense of your own, your own
Speaker:health and your own happiness almost. So I'd definitely say number one, ask more questions,
Speaker:learn from people who are, who are in places you want to be, be at, and then definitely,
Speaker:um, you know, just to not, not worry too much about what others are thinking and just get
Speaker:where you want from, from things and prioritize yourself. Absolutely. Love that. That's great
Speaker:advice. It really is. And you know, it's, um, when we do that, we're stronger to,
Speaker:to support others. You know, it's not, it's not, um, a selfish thing because it's, it just means
Speaker:that we're including ourselves in, in that, uh, we're, we're off often more kind to others than
Speaker:we are ourselves really. And we expect more of ourselves than we do of others. And that,
Speaker:and that's where we start to get burnout and bogged down and stuck in ruts and all that kind of thing.
Speaker:So, um, you know, yeah, that, that is perfect advice. And, and actually through my experience
Speaker:in working with people in therapy, that's one of the main things that comes up for people
Speaker:that they, they spend too much time focusing on others and, and get, and then it makes them
Speaker:vulnerable to depression actually, and, and anxiety and different things. Um, you know,
Speaker:when they're not kind of connected with themselves in that way. So great advice. I will second that.
Speaker:Love that one. Thanks Dave. Okay. Finally, what's the one message that you'd love listeners to take
Speaker:away from your story? So I made sure I got this note down on my phone. If you're, if you're truly
Speaker:wanting to do something and you've, you've got a goal and you're working towards something,
Speaker:do it 100% and don't have any regrets of it. I think for me, when, when first, when I moved
Speaker:out of home and secondly, obviously when I had the injury, the thing that I got told was
Speaker:at the end of this journey, no matter what happens in this journey, whether you make
Speaker:it professional, whether you don't make it professional, don't get, don't be at the
Speaker:end of the journey and have regrets because that is a thing that will, will kill you knowing you
Speaker:could have done more. So whether that is, whether that is simply in the gym, whether that is on
Speaker:your own journey, whether that is at work with relationships, whatever it is, whenever that
Speaker:phase ends, whenever that, that journey closes at the end of it, give it everything because you
Speaker:don't want to have regrets. So commit 100%, do everything you can and at the end of it,
Speaker:whatever happens, you know that you can be truly happy with absolutely everything you did because
Speaker:you, you gave as much as you could and you gave it 100%. So that would be my message
Speaker:for listeners to take away. Love that. That speaks again to, you know, building our sense
Speaker:of self and being happy with who we are. Yeah. Because what you're doing there is you're gaining
Speaker:that evidence of I've done the best I can with the resources and the knowledge with where I'm at.
Speaker:I, I gave, I did the best with, with what I knew at the time. And I think that is such good advice
Speaker:because when we do beat ourselves up about stuff, you know, again, it can take us down,
Speaker:you know, the, the wrong road, really. What's, what I love about today and about your story
Speaker:and what's occurred to me is that from an awful experience, what you've done is you've,
Speaker:you've learned as much as you can from that. And what you're doing now is you're living your life
Speaker:based on that experience, based on that learning, you're using that to help others now.
Speaker:I know from my personal experience that that's what I do now as well. From my past experiences,
Speaker:it makes me a good therapist. It, and, and it's the reason why I'm a therapist,
Speaker:my past experiences. And when I see that in someone else, that to me is the secret to life.
Speaker:When you're in your lane, you're really in your lane,
Speaker:you're really aligned with your values and who you are. It's truly inspirational.
Speaker:Yeah. If you, if you can understand what your values are and, you know, you can use your past
Speaker:experiences. So for me, you know, I don't know who I would have become if those things didn't
Speaker:happen to me. Like the, them past experiences have massively shaped my mindset and how I come
Speaker:across with people and how I help people as well. So, you know, whether it's something that
Speaker:completely breaks you down, you know, that in the future that, you know, it could be a massive
Speaker:learning curve. So like you said, values and what you stand for, if you can truly align yourself
Speaker:with those, you are going to be very fulfilled and very happy every single day of your life.
Speaker:Wow. I've, I've thoroughly enjoyed this conversation. It has been truly inspirational.
Speaker:You've touched my heart strings today, and I'm sure, I'm sure that you'll touch the hearts of,
Speaker:of our listeners. You know, I so appreciate you coming and sharing this, this story with us.
Speaker:It's, it's brilliant. I've just so enjoyed it. Yeah. Thank you very much for having me.
Speaker:Absolutely. I've got no worries about you going forward. I think that your, your attitude and
Speaker:your resilience, the things that you do on a daily basis to, to keep you strong will continue
Speaker:to carry you through. Yeah. Just thank you. Not a problem. Like I said, thank you very much for
Speaker:having me. And, you know, I've not had this opportunity to, to speak about my whole journey
Speaker:before and giving me that platform to do so as being very, very opening to myself. So, you know,
Speaker:thank you very much for the opportunity. My pleasure. Absolute pleasure. Thanks for being
Speaker:with us at Happiness Health Relationships Podcast. Our small daily habits are your future self.
Speaker:I'm loving your feedback and feeling connected to you guys.
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